miss niki

When I was a child, summer was this magnificent beacon on the hill, a shining light of hope and freedom. June signaled the end of school and the beginning of true happiness. It sounds very cliche and dramatic now, but summer truly was this feverish pitch of unbridled joy. Beach trips, swim team, sleep-away camp, popsicles, and hours and hours of un-supervised mischief. My most treasured memories were of summers spent with neighbor children and lazy days and adult-less adventures. I felt most authentic in summer, most like myself.

And then, BOOM. September hits.

September was this sudden clap of thunder. A startling jolt back to routines and chores and homework and social anxieties. It signaled the beginning of school and that meant, the countdown to the next summer.

It went this way for years. This back and forth of waiting and pining, then release and happiness. Kind of a drag to spend 3/4 of the entire year pining for a couple months!

And so, when I noticed a shift within myself a few years ago, I was actually kind of grateful. There was this secret relief at autumn’s arrival. It may have started when I finally felt comfortable in my winter clothes. Apparently, the perfect boots and coat is all it takes to feel stylish instead of like a walking blanket.

So I am greeting this September with open arms. I no longer fear the rolling tide of seasons. In finding peace with the transition of the seasons of the year, I am also finding peace with the seasons of self. My own ebb and flow of needs and desires. I am working on embracing the shadow as well as the light.

Fall is coming, and it brings with it golden light, harvest and celebrations of hard work before the darkening of winter. I am ready.

❤